Mindless Chatter Experiment

Currently I am sitting at my desk trying to come up with something witty and charming to say for my very first post, but nothing comes to mind. Could be that it's 1:30am, but that's not it since this is the normal time for me to be witty and charming. I have considered quite possibly that because what is really on my mind is of a much more personal nature that I do not wish to discuss openly for public viewing. Since that is the case then I must contend that I truly have nothing to really say that will be eye opening and as Oprah would say a "light bulb moment".

I have always been the aspiring writer who has dreams of a New York Times Best Seller with book signings in the future. I would love to be the first lesbian to blow the minds of the straight world and make all the doubters go "hmmmm". That may not be a to far off dream but chances are it could quite possibly be a goal I can reach. I have dreams of walking by the window of a bookstore and seeing my book proudly displayed. No hiding my book in the "sexuality" section because it's written by a lesbian (ahem Amazon ahem) or being only in the "local" section of a big named bookstore. I want it to be right up there with fuckin Jackie Collins!

Sometimes though I remember back to the days when I was a child and use to have a knack with watercolors and paint. Telling people that I wanted to be an artist when I grew up. I remember that at one point I saw the world in brilliant colors that were transparent but could create the most amazing pictures. Now I look at the world and the colors are bold and dark at times, yet I still want to paint the tragedies. I want portray the world as I see it but at times that I have tried my hand shakes and I can not bear to do it. That inner child wants to break out the watercolors and paint the brilliance I see even through the darkness.

I have gone through some major changes in my life and I am currently 31 and have absolutely no problem with my age. What I do have a problem with is that I am 31 and wishing terribly that I had so much more to show for this life I have lived. I have these wonderful friends and a family to surpass all lovable dysfunctional families that make my life well lived so far. I will admit that most days I find myself walking on eggshells afraid of some of the consequences of my actions, but then I realize.......Live Your Fuckin Life!

So here I am today, this early morning, saying to you and to the world............

I am back! and back with a Vengeance!!!