We Hurt the Ones we Love the Most

People come and people go from your life. Some make an impression on you and others make you shake your head in disbelief. Those who prove to you they love you usually are the ones who will be hurt more by your actions. Those who are around out of convenience will be the ones who ignore your calls and texts. Always remember that in the end, it's those we love most that we hurt.

So when you feel that distance, take a moment to ask yourself "what did I do wrong" and then move forward and fix it. Don't let them push you away if you truly care about them.

There will be anger. There will be heartache. May even be some tears. But don't give up on a friendship or a relationship that in your heart you know is meant to be kept. Just realize that we ALL make mistakes and sometimes those mistakes hurt people we love, so we have to suck up our pride and deal with it. To be so full of yourself that you would forget about someone you love is a common thing amongst us, and not everyone does and not everyone understands. All I can say is.....Don't give up.

The ones who give us the most silence are the ones who we hurt the most and who loved us the most. Realize that....and you will find that the people who are meant to be in your life will always be in your life.

Friends, forget the petty differences. Suck up your pride, and move forward to correct what is bad and make it right. Because we all fuck it up and well we all will continue to fuck it up. But those who love us the most will always love us and be around.

Never give up......

Welcome Home Steven

On Thursday, April 29th, I got to welcome home my friend Spc. Steven Hill who was in Iraq on his 3rd deployment. After a year tour he was back home in the arms of his wife, my best friend, Melinda. They were able to finally be in each other's arms without any worries of him going back. They last saw each other when he was on leave back in October, but that was bittersweet since he would have to turn around and go back to Iraq. But now he is home and is happy to see his wife's face along with his friends.


I will say that I was very honored to be asked to be there for this reunion. It was so awesome to see these travel weary soldiers walk into the arms of their loved ones. To see all the signs Welcoming them home. The children crying out for Mommy and Daddy alike. Parents blessed that their children were home safe and sound. It touches the heart to see a soldier meet his daughter for the first time, or a parent reintroducing their child to their Soldier Parent. It's really amazing to be a part of this event.



We watch on tv all the time showing soldiers coming home. Families hugging and crying. Children running around and laughing. Vets saluting the newest vets to our Country. Watching the haunted look in their faces disappear, if only for a while, and become smiles and tears. I cannot begin to imagine what each soldier had to face while deployed but I can see that having the support of their fellow Americans makes what they do worthwhile.





My friend Steven is a pretty awesome guy! Even though he has given 3 years to deployment he is ready and prepared for a 4th should another arise. Melinda is ready to stand by his side and support him as she continues to do because she too has a duty to fulfill as an Army Wife. I continue have growing respect for the life they lead. For all Military families that continue to support their soldiers in all that they do for our Country. Being there on that day, more so than any other day, made me an even happier American. It felt good to see him walking on that tarmac and seeing him wave at us and see his smile!


I have been lucky to be able to be there for 2 of his homecomings and to say goodbye at one of his deployments. I consider it an honor to be there for him, and also to support all the other soldiers! I think as a community everyone should show support for the soldiers and to show the respect due to their jobs as soldiers. They volunteered and everything they fight for is for all of us, not just for them, and that deserves respect!

Thank You to ALL OUR Soldiers out there for all that you do! And to our Vets, Thank You for doing what you did! All of you are heroes in my eyes!








SPC Steven Hill
&
Melinda Hill

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Welcome Home!















SPC Steven Hill

home at last!

Love Does Prevail

It's crazy how time can play tricks on your heart..................

I made mistakes in the past, and though I do not regret the choices I have made, I know not to repeat them. I have learned from my past and with good reason too. I have been to hell and back it would seem at times. I made a secret pact with the Devil in hopes of finding what I thought to be the right choices. I should've known that no matter how slick and suave, she will always rear her ugly to show her true colors. I ran from those choices as soon as I realized where I was headed. No longer will I offer myself up to temptation again and lose the one and only thing that was more precious to me than my own ability to breathe. I have come to a realization that no matter what anyone says to me I made the mistake. I chose to hurt the person who deserved nothing but love from me. I have done wrong but I have been forgiven and I will no longer hesitate or hide how I feel.

She is everything to me. More than everything. I may lose my chance but then I may not. If I should lose then I only have myself to blame for the mistakes I had made that pushed her into the arms of another. But I will not give up without a fight because I do not give up on the one I know I want in my life. It's not about NEEDING her or SETTLING for her, it's that I truly know where my heart lies. My heart was hers from the moment I saw her smile at me. But I was scared and did the worse thing I could have ever done to anyone, I broke her heart for the cold heart of another. I was stupid. I was dumb. I was wrong in so many ways.

But its now a different time and I have found that every beat of my heart is for her. Every breath I take is for her. My soul yearns to be close to her. My body needs her touch. My fingers ache to touch the very core of who she is, the most amazing and beautiful woman to ever look into my eyes. I live for her. If I should be the one to win her heart, then it will be the most important gift ever given to me. I will cherish and adore every part of her, from her hair to the very blood that runs through her veins, I will never take it for granted.

Some make frown upon our love and others may absolutely hate our love. But it does not matter to me at all. I don't care what anyone thinks, they aren't a part of this love & they don't know anything about who & what we are. All I care about is her. No judgment on the life I lead & who I love will ever change my feelings for her. If they don't like it then they can take a flying leap. All that matters: is in the end LOVE does prevail. And she is IN LOVE with me....and I am IN LOVE with her.

Got A Lot to Give Blog

Okay so I have had a bit of luck in the past because I did win a brand new 2008 Honda Fit back in the Summer of 2008. I like winning stuff! I mean who doesn't?? I think, after having won the car, I may be running a little low on luck. But I assure you I have not given up completely on winning stuff......that's where GOT A LOT TO GIVE BLOG comes in!

It's this great blog that shows off all sorts of great items that are being given away for free! I encourage everyone to follow this blog and enter all the giveaways! The more people follow and enter the better and better the giveaways will be!

I will say first hand I entered the give away for FREE business cards (500 count) because I could totally use new cards for my pet training business. Especially since the others still have my ex's name on them......ugh. But don't hesitate, check them out!!

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Her Pretty Words

Every night she spoke to me those perfect words that dripped like the sweetest nectar from those cherry lips. Her tongue would spin tales of fantasy that were like an invisible vapor that drugged me. Her eyes would burn into my soul seeing past the walls that I had built. Her gaze broke down each brick, cut through the mortar like a chisel.

I never had a chance against her pretty words.

I long to hear the soft whisper of her voice brushing across my cheek like gossamer wings. I close my eyes and I see the burning intensity that once were her eyes. I run my hands up my arms still remembering the shock of her touch. The sparks of her on me were enough to cause my skin to react. My eyes fly open and slowly the memory of her begins to drift away.

I never had a chance against her pretty words.

Aimlessly I walk through each tick tock of my own clock passing through the sun and moon. Floating across the clouds jumping over each star. I still long for her kiss. I long for the moment she would say "Miss you". I long for this specter of my dreams but she no longer exists in this world I travel in. I am simply one sail in the wind, no longer will I be a part of two.

I never had a chance against her pretty words.

Mindless Chatter Experiment

Currently I am sitting at my desk trying to come up with something witty and charming to say for my very first post, but nothing comes to mind. Could be that it's 1:30am, but that's not it since this is the normal time for me to be witty and charming. I have considered quite possibly that because what is really on my mind is of a much more personal nature that I do not wish to discuss openly for public viewing. Since that is the case then I must contend that I truly have nothing to really say that will be eye opening and as Oprah would say a "light bulb moment".

I have always been the aspiring writer who has dreams of a New York Times Best Seller with book signings in the future. I would love to be the first lesbian to blow the minds of the straight world and make all the doubters go "hmmmm". That may not be a to far off dream but chances are it could quite possibly be a goal I can reach. I have dreams of walking by the window of a bookstore and seeing my book proudly displayed. No hiding my book in the "sexuality" section because it's written by a lesbian (ahem Amazon ahem) or being only in the "local" section of a big named bookstore. I want it to be right up there with fuckin Jackie Collins!

Sometimes though I remember back to the days when I was a child and use to have a knack with watercolors and paint. Telling people that I wanted to be an artist when I grew up. I remember that at one point I saw the world in brilliant colors that were transparent but could create the most amazing pictures. Now I look at the world and the colors are bold and dark at times, yet I still want to paint the tragedies. I want portray the world as I see it but at times that I have tried my hand shakes and I can not bear to do it. That inner child wants to break out the watercolors and paint the brilliance I see even through the darkness.

I have gone through some major changes in my life and I am currently 31 and have absolutely no problem with my age. What I do have a problem with is that I am 31 and wishing terribly that I had so much more to show for this life I have lived. I have these wonderful friends and a family to surpass all lovable dysfunctional families that make my life well lived so far. I will admit that most days I find myself walking on eggshells afraid of some of the consequences of my actions, but then I realize.......Live Your Fuckin Life!

So here I am today, this early morning, saying to you and to the world............

I am back! and back with a Vengeance!!!